November 22, 2010

Where do I begin?

This last month has been an emotional roller coaster. In all aspects of my life.

Brayden stayed sick for almost a solid month. He had so many test run on him, that he actually started to cry when we would pull in the pediatrician's parking lot! They did a flu test, mono test, strep test, auto immune system test, etc. Not to mention daily blood work to check his white blood count. The final conclusion: a strong, healthy, no problems baby boy who is adapting to day care. out my beating heart, it is daycare. His body is just spiking fever when he is exposed to germs. They said he isn't even really contagious when he has these fevers, it's just his way of fighting off the germs. So...some kids get snotty noses, mine gets a fever. We are over that hump finally and he is doing great! I couldn't even imagine having to remove him from his new day care because he absolutely LOVES it! He loves Mimi and all his friends at her house. He just needed to build up his immune system a little.

While dealing with Brayden I had a tragedy in my personal life. A beautiful, precious child in my kindergarten class was called to heaven this past week in the most horrific accident ever. Oh the emotions! I literally had my legs come out from under me when I got the call and haven't really gotten back to myself yet. The next morning I had to walk into my classroom and talk to 23 5 year olds about where their friend was and why she wasn't coming back. And in my profession, I was having to do it without the mention of God or heaven. Really....
I've come to this conclusion. You can't... You cannot have the conversation without looking at those faces and saying their friend is happy, running, and smiling in heaven. And God will take care of her now instead of her mommy.
I'm scared to let my son out of my sight. I'm scared of my students questions and my ability to answer them. I'm heartbroken for the family of my precious student. I'm heartbroken that my other students have to face this so incredibly young. I'm afraid this family won't ever get over this loss. I'm so many emotions for so many different reasons.

Please pray for this child's family to find a way to make it through this. Pray for the people that are left to live without this amazing child anymore. Pray that God finds a way to put the right words my way as I help these grieving children in my classroom. Just pray, because at this point it's all I know to do...