The ultimate guilt

I have been battling two ear infections since I was 8 months pregnant...or so I thought. Since I was so close to my due date I didn't want to take anything and risk it hurting Brayden. Then after Brayden was born I didn't go to the doctor because I was sort of preoccupied!! Then on Mother's Day it became unbearable, so I broke down and went to the doctor's office. They diagnosed me with two ear infections, gave me an antibiotic, and sent me home.

Since then I have been on 4 antibiotics, two different drops, and seen 3 doctors. I decided to make an appointment with an ear, nose, and throat doctor to find out what was going on. Today I met with them. After looking in my ear and noticing inflammation and build up of something, they sent me for some tests. Some very expensive tests...thank goodness for great insurance. While waiting on the results, they power washed my ears out (not the most comfortable feeling), and got record of all my other office visits faxed over. The conclusion...

I have an infection, but it is not bacterial. It is fungal (EWWWWWWWW), and is the hardest to get rid of....of course it is!! I have to have strong drops 3 times a day, and go back in 14 days for more cleaning and test to make sure it is cleared up. To make matters worse, the doctor says, "You need to call your pediatrician because this can easily be passed to your son." Immediately I burst into tears, over analyzing every cry and fuss he has made these past few weeks.
Did I make him sick?
Did I do something to pass it to him?
Oh goodness, I touch my ears all day long and then hold him!
So many guilty thoughts. So I call the pediatrician and he does want to check Brayden out. He did reassure me that if I have passed it to him then we know what it is, so it can easily be treated. I just cannot believe I could have passed this misery onto him! I feel so awful!

In the meantime I have washed everything I even THINK my ears have touched. Hopefully the pediatrician will find nothing and I will have been lucky enough not to pass it to him!

Hat Day!

Yesterday we had Brayden outside for a good bit of the day. We put his hat on him to help block out the sun. Daddy and I thought he was too cute in it...even though it doesn't really fit him!

Help me...I'm suffocating!!

When Brayden was born it looked like his carrier was swallowing him! We added some head rest which really helped him be comfortable in the carrier. I began to notice this last week that he squirmed a lot in his carrier and seemed to really dislike getting into it. He would get frustrated because he would turn his head and not be able to see because of the head rest. So...

We took them out! I cannot believe my sweet boy is big enough to not need them! Now he really enjoys being in his carrier (as you can see in the pic!) and he looks around while we stroll and coos. It is too precious. Strolling in it has become one of his favorite things to do!

He's Still Alive!!

I made the hardest mommy decision yesterday. After running into a friend who just had a baby, I about died when they said their son was 2 weeks and sleeping 6 hours a night. SERIOUSLY! It was time to do something about Brayden's "every 3 hour" feedings at night. So.......
Mommy decided it was the night he needed to cry it out. It was an awful experience for me, but I know in the long run it's better for parents and baby. He went one 5 1/2 hour series before feeding, then a 4 hour series before it was time to get up and start the day. Having just 1 feeding a night is NOT something we are used to.

And this morning...Brayden and mommy are both still alive! He didn't cry himself to death like I feared! He is laying on his playmat as we speak just cooing at everything, so I know he is okay! What's funny about it all is that I think it is much harder for me to get used to this schedule than Brayden. He is only crying because that is what I trained him to do. Notice all the "I's" in this post! I know, I know, I did it. I made him not sleep through the night yet. But come on, I'm a new mom and just learning as I go. I don't think I have damaged him for life by feeding him more at night than I should!

I have read that it takes 3 nights of crying before they get used to a new schedule, so only 2 more to go!!! We will see!

A Horrible Tragedy

This afternoon I got a chilling phone call.

An amazing couple, the Hewitt's, that lives across the street from us are in immediate need of prayer. They are a young couple with two children (3 and 5). This morning she was taking her children strawberry picking and was in a horrible accident involving a motorcycle, another car, and dump truck. The children were both killed, and she is in critical condition. Tonight at 7:00pm there is a prayer service for the family. As a mother, I can not even imagine the pain this family is going through. What tragic loss to lose both your precious angels in one second. This husband and father has a long road ahead of him. We have to pray now that mom makes it, for she is not doing well. When the call came in to me this afternoon, I think I stopped breathing for a moment. What an awful tragedy. Please pray!!!

http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=10611623

Confessions of a New Mommy

Just some things I can actually confess now!

• Labor was surprisingly soooo easy! Now I know why people have more than one baby!


• I was ready for everything EXCEPT the hormonal changes women go through after birth!


• When Brayden spits up and it lands on the floor, Cali licks it up-and I let her!


• I'm bottle feeding, and never attempted breast feeding. I knew it wasn't for me.


• Cabbage on the boobs is a lifesaver to dry up your milk!!!
• I let Brayden suck his thumb. I think it is adorable!
• I like when Brayden sleeps on my tummy. Sometimes in the middle of the night I let him sleep there instead of risking waking him when putting him in the crib.


• I was scared to hold my baby when he was born, but now I can't put him down!


• When Brayden poops, I think it is hilarious!


• I've been peed on twice.


• Brayden spends most of the day in just a diaper! Hey-we have blankets!


• I use the swing to get a break, even thought I know it's going to put Brayden to sleep!


• I clean Brayden's bottles better than I clean my own dishes!
• I am obsessed with the "happy mom" collection of shirts! I have 3 (and a hat!)!


• I love taking bath's with Brayden.


• I spent more money on Brayden's nursery furniture than the furniture in my bedroom!


• I'm scared my tummy will never be the same!


• I don't want to go back to work because I want to be at home with my baby boy the rest of my life!


• I think my child is the cutest baby on the planet!

New destinations...

Now that I have entered the world of Motherhood, everything has changed! The world is a total different place. One of the biggest changes for me has been the things I do and places I go during the day. I over analyze every place I go! Is it going to be hot/cold? Is it safe for me to spend a lot of time getting in/out of the car? Will people be trying to touch Brayden? Is there a place to feed/change him if it gets that time? How much will we spend there? Just 100 things go through my mind. I'm trying to find some "mommy" places to take him so we can enjoy our summer together. Some of the places we are regulars at are:

• The mall of course!
• Target :)
• Barnes and Noble
• Babies R Us

Other than that, we really hang around the house or take walks. I'm wanting to take my baby boy to the zoo, but it's so darn hot right now! We may go early one morning, but I still worry about him being hot! To my mommy followers: PLEASE help me out and let me know some places to go with my precious that are safe and not expensive!

Shopping!

One of my favorite children's shops had a GREAT sale today! All their boys items were 50% off, so I had to go! Even before Brayden was born, I had already had him a Christmas/gumball reversible outfit, snowman smock outfit, Easter/puppy reversible outfit, and palmetto smock outfit. I just couldn't help myself, they are so darn cute! For those of you who do not know what smock is (like my husband!)...check out the stitch work on the blue outfit...that is smock! I was so afraid my husband wouldn't like the "little boy" outfits I was drawn to, but he surprised me by loving them all! He has even bought Brayden some himself :) We had a fun time looking through all the little boy clothes and saw a bunch we wish we could get him. (It's so hard to spend that amount of money when he can only wear it another few weeks!) But every now and then we have to splurge on our precious one, so we will hit the next sale and get some more precious outfits like the alligator one in the picture. We also saw a froggy bathing suit and John Deere smock outfit we want as well! In writing this I have just about talked myself into going back and getting them...so maybe I'll go back tomorrow!!!!

Freeze me out!

After a looooooooong 3 year battle with the A/C company, we FINALLY got a new unit installed...free of charge of course! Come to find out the installed system we had was the WRONG ONE! Hmmm, you mean it wasn't ever right...who would have thought!?! Sense the sarcasm there. I've been telling them for 3 years it wasn't right! So now Brayden and I are keeping the thermostat down low, just because we can!! He is bundled in his PJ's and socks, and mommy has on sweats! It is just great! Hopefully the problem is now "fixed" for good!

Me...Anxious...Nooooooooo

For some reason, I am already dreading the day I know will too soon come. That awful day in August when I have to go back to work. I love my job, and it's not going back to work that makes me anxious, its having to leave the new man in my life. I'm so scared and worried and upset about it already. Scared I will miss major moments in his life, worried he will get everything he needs, and upset that I have to be away from him! I LOVE spending my days and nights (even at 3:00 in the morning) with him.

I've been lucky enough to find a wonderful Christian woman who is going to keep Brayden. I have been praying that she is the person God put in my life to watch my precious, and I'm seeing signs that she will be wonderful. I talk with her weekly and have spent some time at her house getting to know her better, but I'm still worried to death. I have found that I trust no one with my child besides his family. I love that Brayden will be in "in home" care instead of daycare, and he will be with a woman who has experience with children and seems so sweet, but I'm still scared! However, I did get some GREAT news this week!

My friend Heather (shout out to you girl!) is going to use the same child provider as us! Her precious twins are going to be there with Brayden. I hope they become the best of friends. It makes me excited that I have someone to share my anxieties with because she will be going through the exact same feelings I am, and its always nice to have someone who knows how you feel. I'm also excited that Brayden will have some sweet babies to play with!

I'm going to try taking Brayden for some half days before I got back to work. I plan on trying to have some "me" time during then and maybe get my nails done, or see a movie, or lay in the bed with Chad for more than 30 minutes!!! Notice I said TRY! I'm also going to TRY not to call every 3o minutes to check on him either! I know once school starts the days will be busy busy and will go by quickly. I think I can handle it better then, but we will see!

I am also going to TRY to enjoy the rest of my summer with my little man and not think about these days I am dreading. They are 2 months away and I may be more comfortable when that time comes (prob. not but I can hope!). I'm so blessed to have such a beautiful family and I treasure every second with them! What did I do so right in my life to have such great blessings!!!??? God is so great!

And yet another nap...

Brayden's afternoon nap!

One of his favorite times of the day!

Fun with Friends

On Tuesdays, Chad goes to a men's bible study with some friends from church. April and I have taken this opportunity to have some mommy/baby time with our precious little ones. Piper is only 10 days older than Brayden! I learned today that trying to take a picture of one baby is hard, but two babies!!...it's next to impossible! This was my best attempt (Thanks Greer for helping!)

Cool Dude

Brayden has a hard time with the bright sun, so mommy bought him some baby shades! Isn't he precious!?!

Happy FIRST Father's Day!

I think Chad really enjoyed his first Father's Day as a daddy! Brayden and I took him to Bonefish for his favorite meal (salmon with lemon butter) on Saturday night. We didn't know Bonefish was going to open for lunch specially for Father's Day!!! Then Sunday, we got up and dressed Brayden in his Polo outfit to match daddy! Then we went to church and out to lunch together. That night, we went to Great Grandma's house to grill out steaks and celebrate our late Papa Rod's birthday. We miss him so much, and we know he would be so proud of Brayden! It was also a celebration for my mom's birthday! We gave her her birthday present, then for dessert, I bought Chad an ice cream cake with his favorite ice cream...cookie dough! We also gave him a coupon for a car wash and a card from me, one from Cali, and one from Brayden! It was a great day and I hope Chad knows what a great daddy he is!

Daddy and Brayden at Bonefish


Daddy and Brayden at church

Brayden in his Polo! Just like Daddy!

Grilling out-Brayden always trying to look at daddy!

Daddy's special ice cream cake!

Again, and again, and yet...AGAIN

On Tuesday the A/C went out on us and they said they "fixed" it. Then on Thursday (yesterday) it went out again and they said they "fixed" it again. Then today (Friday) the A/C has gone out for the THIRD time in four days!!!!!! And it is the hottest day of the year! Enough is enough! On Monday, the air people are going to have me in their office!

My poor sweating baby boy and I got in the car and took a trip to Grandma's house...who happens to have a working A/C unit! And now we are back home because they are trying to "fix" our unit yet again. Arg!

You've got to be kidding

No, you are not seeing things. Our A/C is out AGAIN. Yes, it was just out two days ago. I've been watching it, so I caught it before it got WAY too hot for all of us. I called the air people and had yet ANOTHER fit. They came out and "fixed" it...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! And lukcy us....it's supposed to be 105 tomorrow!!! Who do I have to threaten to get my A/C replaced!?!!? The answer will be revealed later!

My neighbor...the spaceman!

This is the sight Brayden and I encountered walking out of the house this afternoon. Any guesses...its my crazy neighbor! He is always building or working on something, so I just couldn't imagine what this contraption was for. Lucky for us, he wasn't letting out some poisonous chemical...just spraying mosquito repellent!

2 Months

At this exact moment, this is what my baby boy is doing. Why??? This morning he had his first shots (notice the band aids on the picture below). I don't know who it was worse for, me or him! Brayden is always really fun and alert in the mornings. At the doctor, he laughed, smiled, and cooed at me and his pediatrician. We put him on the table and I held his hand...he was smiling and then INSTANTLY started to cry. Having a baby who never cries, then can't stop was really hard! Well, we made it though and now I'm watching my baby boy sleep in his play pen. I have him in the den so I can keep watch over him. He is getting Tylenol every 4 hours for fever. He cries when we touch his legs, and wants to be held a lot! (I don't mind that too much!) We are in for a long 2 days, so I'm finding myself unable to take my eyes off him! That's why I've got him near me in the pack n' play!
The shots were awful, but the rest of the visit was great! Brayden is weighing 11 pounds 6 ounces (50th percentile) and is in the 90th percentile for height at 24 inches! We are doing great on the nutramigen formula and our baby boy is growing well!

Just Chillin'

Brayden likes to lay around on the couch and look around!

Night Time Routines

One of our favorite times with Brayden is during our nighttime routines. We start off by taking a family walk. We have usually taken him in the stroller, but he seems to enjoy the carrier more now that he is more alert to his surroundings. Then we sit in the garage and have our family time. After that, we give Brayden his bath, which he has come to love! This makes mommy very happy! I hand Brayden off to daddy, who then wraps him up and cuddles while I clean up the tub and get out his PJ's! We lotion him up, clean his nose if needed, diaper him, comb his hair, and put on his PJ's! (We like the snap up pajamas because they are easier to change him in the middle of the night!) Then daddy rocks with him in the rocker and they sing songs off the radio. Around 10:30 he gets his bottle and goes down for the night. Brayden seems to do well with this routine because this is the longest sleep stretch we get out of him. He has gone as long as 5.5 hours straight before. He is a great sleeper at night, we just wish he wouldn't be up to feed as often as he does. I will say...he is getting better now that we got his formula straight, but mommy would like him to go just a little longer between bottles! Daddy has been a great help though, so after we dress our baby, I go lay down until his first middle of the night feeding. I enjoy our night time routines because its the one time of the day I know we will all be together!

after bath time

Love my alligator PJ's!