June 24, 2009


For some reason, I am already dreading the day I know will too soon come. That awful day in August when I have to go back to work. I love my job, and it's not going back to work that makes me anxious, its having to leave the new man in my life. I'm so scared and worried and upset about it already. Scared I will miss major moments in his life, worried he will get everything he needs, and upset that I have to be away from him! I LOVE spending my days and nights (even at 3:00 in the morning) with him.

I've been lucky enough to find a wonderful Christian woman who is going to keep Brayden. I have been praying that she is the person God put in my life to watch my precious, and I'm seeing signs that she will be wonderful. I talk with her weekly and have spent some time at her house getting to know her better, but I'm still worried to death. I have found that I trust no one with my child besides his family. I love that Brayden will be in "in home" care instead of daycare, and he will be with a woman who has experience with children and seems so sweet, but I'm still scared! However, I did get some GREAT news this week!

My friend Heather (shout out to you girl!) is going to use the same child provider as us! Her precious twins are going to be there with Brayden. I hope they become the best of friends. It makes me excited that I have someone to share my anxieties with because she will be going through the exact same feelings I am, and its always nice to have someone who knows how you feel. I'm also excited that Brayden will have some sweet babies to play with!

I'm going to try taking Brayden for some half days before I got back to work. I plan on trying to have some "me" time during then and maybe get my nails done, or see a movie, or lay in the bed with Chad for more than 30 minutes!!! Notice I said TRY! I'm also going to TRY not to call every 3o minutes to check on him either! I know once school starts the days will be busy busy and will go by quickly. I think I can handle it better then, but we will see!

I am also going to TRY to enjoy the rest of my summer with my little man and not think about these days I am dreading. They are 2 months away and I may be more comfortable when that time comes (prob. not but I can hope!). I'm so blessed to have such a beautiful family and I treasure every second with them! What did I do so right in my life to have such great blessings!!!??? God is so great!


Hollie Heming said...

You'll be surprised how easy it will be for you to leave him with the sitter. When it's someone you trust, there is nothing to worry about :). Now, don't get me wrong...at first it was hard, but it gets easier by the day. Plus, it helped me that I wasn't the one dropping off. That makes a huge difference! See if you and Chad can work that out :).

Brace Babies said...

I know how u feel.....but we are blessed to have Julie.