July 1, 2009

The ultimate guilt

I have been battling two ear infections since I was 8 months pregnant...or so I thought. Since I was so close to my due date I didn't want to take anything and risk it hurting Brayden. Then after Brayden was born I didn't go to the doctor because I was sort of preoccupied!! Then on Mother's Day it became unbearable, so I broke down and went to the doctor's office. They diagnosed me with two ear infections, gave me an antibiotic, and sent me home.

Since then I have been on 4 antibiotics, two different drops, and seen 3 doctors. I decided to make an appointment with an ear, nose, and throat doctor to find out what was going on. Today I met with them. After looking in my ear and noticing inflammation and build up of something, they sent me for some tests. Some very expensive tests...thank goodness for great insurance. While waiting on the results, they power washed my ears out (not the most comfortable feeling), and got record of all my other office visits faxed over. The conclusion...

I have an infection, but it is not bacterial. It is fungal (EWWWWWWWW), and is the hardest to get rid of....of course it is!! I have to have strong drops 3 times a day, and go back in 14 days for more cleaning and test to make sure it is cleared up. To make matters worse, the doctor says, "You need to call your pediatrician because this can easily be passed to your son." Immediately I burst into tears, over analyzing every cry and fuss he has made these past few weeks.
Did I make him sick?
Did I do something to pass it to him?
Oh goodness, I touch my ears all day long and then hold him!
So many guilty thoughts. So I call the pediatrician and he does want to check Brayden out. He did reassure me that if I have passed it to him then we know what it is, so it can easily be treated. I just cannot believe I could have passed this misery onto him! I feel so awful!

In the meantime I have washed everything I even THINK my ears have touched. Hopefully the pediatrician will find nothing and I will have been lucky enough not to pass it to him!

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